Depression and drugs seem to go hand in hand. The idea that a little pill has the ability to lift you out of a seemingly never ending bout of depression is a beam of light shining into the darkest of caves. It gives of a ray of hope, a fix to the physical, brain numbing pain of depression. Taking antidepressants alongside a talking therapy such as counselling or CBT has shown to provide better results than if each treatment option was given alone. An antidepressant can provide the patient with the time and clarity to sort through any of the problems that may have been contributing to their depression or anxiety. This is good. Mental illness needs a dual approach. The physical and the mental are very much intertwined, and one should not be separated from the other.download (1)

I say this from personal experience. I’ve had both positive and negative experiences from the mental health services provided by the NHS. But that’s not what I want to write about today. I want to talk about a drug called Venlafaxine.

Venlafaxine, or Effexor by its brand name, is an SNRI (serotonin – norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor) which blocks the reuptake of the neurotransmitters, serotonin and norepinephrine. The Mayo Clinic says that SNRIs such as Venlafaxine work by “…changing the balance of these chemicals seems to help brain cells send and receive messages, which in turn boosts mood.”

That’s the very basic explanation of what an SNRI is and what they do. Most people will be familiar with SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) which work in a similar way to SNRIs but tend not have an effect on norepinephrine. SSRIs such as Prozac, Sertraline and Citalopram are usually prescribed as a first line treatment option for depression and anxiety disorders. This is because, compared to SNRIs and other antidepressants (tricyclics ect.), SSRIs have milder side effects, less risks and are generally much easier to come off.

Venlafaxine on the other hand; not so much. Like all drugs, Venlafaxine will have varying success rates, side effects and withdrawal effects for each individual person. However, the number of patients that report bad withdrawal effects is worrying. Having taken Venlafaxine myself, I can say the withdrawal scared me as to how much it can affect your body and mind.venlafaxine75mg-tev

I was first prescribed Venlafaxine about 5 years ago. I was going through a rather nasty bout of depression and anxiety, and having tried a few SSRIs, it was recommended I try Venlafaxine. At the time I remember being wiling to try anything. I was 18/19 years old and just wanted to live my life the way all my friends were. I really wanted to be happy. So I went home and started this new little ray of hope in the form of a little peachy round pill.

Actually going onto the drug was no easy feat. The side effects were varied: headaches, cold sweats, nausea, dry mouth, consistent yawning (!?)…the list goes on. After about two weeks everything settled down, and after about six weeks the benefits and mood lifting magic kicked in. Whilst I was taking Venlafaxine I was also seeing a CBT therapist and I believe the combination of the two worked well. It was during the first six months of treatment that I decided to move to London and start a new university degree.

This was scary, but exciting. I was fully aware that I would find it difficult. But regardless I made the giant leap and another six months later found myself living in the big city! Admittedly the first four months or so were not easy. I was very anxious and felt socially inept. But I knew, in the back of my mind, I had the strength to stride through the blanket of anxiety which seemed to cloak my every waking moment.

When I returned to Cornwall for a break, I had an appointment with my GP, who increased my dose of Venlafaxine to the maximum out-patient dose of 375mg as Venlafaxine tends to work better at higher doses. “Okay” I thought, unaware of the implications this decision would cause me in the future.

Back at Uni, I found that the high dose had turned my brain into a blended pile of goop. I was a zombie. It felt like someone had stuffed my head full of cotton wool, which was unfortunate as I had essays to write. I somehow managed to pass my first year, but during the start of my second year I decided it was time to reduce the Venlafaxine if I was going to have any sort of change of succeeding at my degree.

My new GP decided as I was on such a high dose (five tablets a day!) It would be fine to lobb one off. So, under this guidance I went from 375mg to a nicer looking 300mg a day.

Oh dear.

The reduction made me feel ill. Really very ill. I found it impossible to walk 10 minutes to the shops without overheating, feeling weak and battling with an overwhelming sense of nausea. I also had my first experience of ‘brain zaps’ which I would experience again only a few months later, albeit at a much stronger intensity.

After reducing my dose, I thought I’d wait a bit before I tried to reduce it further. I also now knew I would have to taper down much more slowly than I originally anticipated, which is something I found a few GP’s just didn’t fully understand.

And now to the moment where my hatred for Venlafaxine started. Yes, a hatred. I ran out. It wasn’t my smartest of moments, and I should of planned better, but it happens. I forgot to put in my prescription. This meant I had 48 hours of no Venlafaxine. You see, the thing about Venlafaxine is that is has a relativity short half life (that’s how long the drug stays in your system) and so one missed dose plays havoc with the brain.

Never before had I felt so awful. The flu + having a hangover was better than what I was experiencing. I was a mess. I felt sick to my stomach, I was anxious, crying, I couldn’t sleep or eat. My brain was zapping like crazy. Brain zaps are quite unique and pretty difficult to explain. My best way to describe it is as if your brain shivers and you feel out of sync for about one second at a time. It’s not painful, but very unsettling and doesn’t help with the nausea.

What’s scary is that you can feel your brain adjusting to having no Venlafaxine.

The way I was treated by out of hours staff during this accidental withdrawal was pretty appalling. It felt like I was being treated like a criminal who was trying to score a fix. I was told I should have planned better, which was something I was pretty damn aware of. I was told to “calm down” (over the phone) which didn’t make me feel calm, funnily enough.

To zoom forward a little, I went back on Venlafaxine but was now very determined to come off it.

So I started my gradual decline in dosage. I’ve managed to get down to just one and a half tablets a day, that’s 112.5mg from 375mg. It’s taken me about two years.

I’ve written this because I think there needs to be more warning, more understanding and more awareness about the pro and cons of certain medications. Although Venlafaxine is classed as ‘not addictive’ that certainly doesn’t mean it’s easy to come off.

I feel like I’ve had to battle depression, anxiety and Venlafaxine. At 24 years old that makes me tired. I like to think I’ve almost won all three battles.

Five years ago the media barely reported on the use of food banks in the UK. This was mainly because the need for charitable service, providett by the Christian charity The Trussell Trust, wasn’t anywhere as near as what it is today. After the longest decline in a century, living standards are only now starting to recover. Not that many of the poorest households will feel this much hyped recovery, as wages are, for the most part, below the recommended living wage, with the Trussell Trust saying there has been a 38% increase in food bank use despite the economic recovery. Whilst some households find themselves making the desperate decision whether to pay the electricity bill or buy a weeks worth of food shopping, the despicable media troll, Katie Hopkins, has (unsurprisingly) been slating the rise and use of food banks. The Trussell Trust has stated that in the last twelve months alone, over one million food parcels have been handed out to families, up from 900,000 from the previous year (a 19% rise).

Katie Hopkins, disagrees with the use of food banks. Her article in The Sun, labels those who have used food banks as “idle voucher tourists” who move around to “score new nappies and deodorant they can flog for fags and booze”. Hopkins makes reference to the fact that these people probably have SKY and a mobile phone. God forbid! How dare they have anything nice in their lives! They must live in total poverty to be worthy of help from the welfare state! It’s this attitude which annoys me and many others. There are people, families, that suddenly fall into financial hardship. Whether that be from illness/disability, the loss of their job, to a history of financial problems which have caught up with them. These people can’t always foresee the circumstance they may find themselves in. This is where the safety net of the benefit system is suppose to fall into place. Its supposed to help these people in their time of need. And yet we have gotten to a point where the use of welfare is reported on as a weakness, something that the majority of people don’t really need. All of their problems would suddenly alleviate if they just got a job.

Which presents yet another problem; jobs. To echo the familiar Conservative rhetoric, yes employment has gone up, with an unemployment rate of 5.6% (the lowest since 2008). But pay is sluggish, hours are unreliable and zero hour contracts still exist. This all builds into a wider system which fails a wide, and varied proportion of the UK. It supports the housing crisis – people can’t afford the deposit to put down on a house – which in turn spurs on the increasing problem with renting. Landlords and estate agents put up rents and charge usually unreasonable ‘admin’ fees. We’re all too familiar with the crazy London flat adverts which boast an ‘affordable’ tiny little room where you can reach the cooker from your bed. And it’s maddeningly become the norm.

And these are some of the reasons I’m voting Labour on May 7th 2015. Labour who support rent control, who want to end the use of zero hour contracts and believe in the foundations and values of state welfare. I believe another five years of a Conservative government would see living standards among the poorest in our society decline further, dragging others with it. Whilst the richest, the banks and the affluent, find themselves living in a country which supports their needs and no one else’s. I don’t think that’s fair. Do you?

In two weeks time it will be a year since I turned 23 and sat sobbing in a pub, having cracked under the months of degree and life related pressure. I felt fragile, weak and ashamed at such a public display of emotion. But for me it was reaching boiling point; having worked incredibly hard for three years and sensing the end of something I was so emotionally and intellectually invested in. It all paid off: I managed to receive a First Class Honours degree, something which was, and still is, such a massive personal achievement. In the end the sad little tears which rained on my birthday were ultimately worth it.10414429_10152167654316781_5253564199295525113_n (2)

Having finished my degree I rushed to find a job – any job – which would allow me to continue living my dream in London. I luckily found a job in retail pretty quickly, although not my ideal area of work, it was something which would allow me to live in London whilst continuing to try and achieve my career goals and fulfil my aspirations.

Nearly a year on and I’m still, frustratingly, in the same place. I still work in retail, and whilst it pays relatively well for the job that I’m doing, it’s still not enough to realistically – in the long term – live in London. The longer this persists, the more my confidence in my ability to succeed continues to fall. I know I’m not stupid, but I can feel any intelligence that I did have crumbling away. I don’t feel as capable or as knowledgeable as I did whilst studying for my degree. Just the other day a customer didn’t want to “deal with me” as I was “just a shop assistant” and although I know there’s nothing wrong with being shop assistant, it was still somewhat demoralising.

My search for a more degree related job has been consistently rumbling in the background, now and again coming forward whilst I apply for possible new jobs. It’s a lengthy and sometimes, tedious, process. But it’s one which I hope will eventually pay off.

Writing this blog post is something I’ve been putting off for months on end. I haven’t written properly since my degree and the thought of tapping out words and posting them for all to see is slightly anxiety provoking. But I feel ready; I’m finding my feet and using them to run for the first time in a year. I want to succeed and I want to feel a sense of pride. This feels like the first refreshing step.

This BuzzFeed article inspired me to write my own short account of anxiety.

I was being unreasonable, yet I couldn’t control the way in which I was reacting both emotionally and physically. A planned outing with some friends, something which should be enjoyable, would turn into dread. As the day of the outing grew closer the feeling of impending doom and anxiety would steadily increase, to a point which would eventually become unbearable. Cancelling would decrease the anxiety and a feeling of relief would awash over me, followed by a feeling of guilt and self-loathing.  “You’re so pathetic …your friends are going to hate you…you’re so weird” my mind would scream, an internal monologue of self-depreciating comments.

Each bout of anxiety would be followed by depression. Feelings of hopelessness, guilt and overwhelming sadness would take over.  I felt like I had no control over my mind; thoughts would race, one after another, until I was mentally drained. The simplest everyday tasks seemed pointless and my bed became my safe haven. Everything outside of my snug duvet became akin to swimming with hungry sharks; terrifying.

It’s taken me years to get to point where I feel emotionally strong. Understanding anxiety helps, as does the continuing challenges I make myself face. With each anxiety provoking situation I conquer, the easier the associated anxiety becomes to deal with. The support I received from my family, friends and certain health professionals helped immensely – feeling crazy yet knowing that people care about you and love you for who you are means everything.

Westminster Palace (Houses of Parliament) is a world renowned landmark in the center of London. Its grand exterior is not only familiar to Londoners, but to everyone who consumes the media. To many it is symbol of power and politics. A place where laws and legislation are made, lives are changed and history is made. It defines London as the power hub of England and is a well-loved tourist attraction to millions each year.

The exterior of Westminster Palace is familiar, constant and well known. Yet the interior and what goes on inside feels like another world. The building is open to the public yet restricted in its access. A tour will set you back £14 but is free if booked through the office of a person’s local Member of Parliament. 

Security is tight; perhaps a reflection on modern society as a whole. Persons and bags are searched and a pass is issued to signify whether or not someone had been security checked. Photos are only permitted in Westminster hall and are restricted for the rest of the building.

Westminster hall is impressive in size and boasts a magnificent roof with high reaching timber arcs and beams. The hall is the oldest part of the parliamentary estate and is steeped with British history. Not only used for political purposes, Westminster palace as whole was first occupied by the Royal Family and later became the home for the government in 1508 during the reign of Henry VIII.

The deep set history with the Royal Family is still seen today, not only because the Queen is head of state, but because of the somewhat strange and dramatic rituals an example of which can be witnessed during The State Opening of Parliament. An annual event which marks the beginning of a new parliamentary year, The State Opening of Parliament is the only time the three elements of Parliament – the Sovereign, the House of Lords and the House of Commons – are together (Parliament, 2013).

Each part of Westminster Palace is unique in its design. The House of Lords has awe inspiring décor which is intricate and fascinating in its design. Quite the opposite, is the House of Commons, which is home to many lively debates and the familiar green benches. The design is simple yet works well with the nature of government proceedings.

The palace is full with artwork. Scenes of bloody battles – such as that the Battle of Waterloo – dominate the walls. Past members of the Royal Family stare eerily from their frames and ex-Prime ministers stand tall in the form of statues. Although a place where modern politics takes place, the building is full with history and reminders of how the country became what it is today.

The Houses of Parliament is situated in Westminster on the River Thames, across from the London eye, both of which are popular and iconic landmarks of London. 

A visit to Westminster Palace is worthwhile. Underneath its modern facade London is steeped in rich history which a tour of the Houses of Parliament helps to reveal.

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(*part of a journal thing for uni!)

Recently I've found myself wincing at politics and its futile political point scoring. Suddenly power appears to be more important than people. And i'm not just talking about the right of the political spectrum. I'm also talking about Labour. I'm a member of the Labour party. I agree with the majority of Labour's founding values: social justice, community, fairness and equality; all things which I believe to be crucial for a society to work as well as it possibly can. Yet even a party that can pride itself with the creation of the National Health Service can find itself locked in a political battle which does not even touch people outside the realms of Westminster. The "world of Westminster", for lack of a better name, is so far from the reality in which many people live it's hard to see how politicians can present any sort of representation of society as a whole. I know, all very obvious but it's something that is increasingly irritating me. Politics should be about the people yet the people barely come into it. Only recently during a debate on Syria, commentators and politicians alike were seemingly more focused on the 'political win' than the outcome of the result. Children and adults were dying and yet both sides were babbling on about how much of a defeat it was for David Cameron and how it could affect the 2015 general election. I found this strange, their reaction was all wrong; surely? And yet this is the exact nature of politics. It's a game for power and the people appear to be bargaining chips. Every move is about making the opponent look foolish and weak whilst making themselves seem morally superior. This isn't to say I don't believe politics doesn't help people, it can and it does. It's just sometimes hard to see through all the political spin.

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